1. A SON AND A FATHER 

He wasn’t old enough to drive when was offered him
 • An old Buick or Grandad’s watch
 • What was a fifteen year old suppose to say
 • Kids don’t watch the clock 

• He was only sixteen when he ran away 
• I will never forget that day
 • A kind of typical kicking out scene
 • Dad was angry and showing his teeth

 • A son, and a father
 Fighting each other 
• Neither can see what they’ve got
 • While I snapped a front row shot

 • I was a fly on the wall of my brother’s life
 • His new parents thought they were infertile
 • He was the baby that they could never make 
• Until I came along 

• He was a pain in the heart of my father’s wife 
• His birth parents were slaves to the bottle 
 • The kind of anger that both just could not take
 • So he just ran away 

 • A son, and a brother
 • A chance for our mother
 • To offer what she never got 
• Security and a real shot


















 2. FROM FL TO AL She came third after me, all my junk became hers, but I know she didn’t mind • 
You know I always could see, the way she followed me, always two steps behind
 • When Love fell in my lap, I was so happy to run, but I failed to consider her plight
 • And there I left her behind, with mom and dad who themselves were never ready for life 
(for they had given up on what’s right)

 • She’s the one that never grew up, she’s still trying to heal from it all
 • The man that she’s with is equally complex, and all their fights are perpetually on text

 • From Florida
 To Alabama 
• You are normal 
You fit in to your surroundings • 

I will never forget, that night that she called me, and told me they were splitting up
 • Assuming it true, the next morning I called her, to see where she had ended up
 • On the street, on the couch of a friend, or maybe with distant family 
 • Outraged that I would say such a thing, she directed her anger at me 
(And I think that’s the day I wrote her off)

 • She’s the one that never grew up, she’s still trying to heal from it all 
• And when they fight it’s all about the subtext, because all fights are really about sex 

• From Florida
 To Alabama
 You are normal
 You fit in to your surroundings






















 3. PAINTED IN THE CAVES IN THE NIGHT She did everything for me, but she really believed in me 
• She shared her dark shit with me, she knew that I could handle it
 • He was never serious, but he spent loads of time with me 
• He shared junk food with me, he knew that I could handle it 

• My brother did all the bad things, did all the bad things, so that I wouldn’t have to
 • My sister watched us from afar, watched us from afar, we pretended to hate her
 • My mother moderated for me, moderated for me, so that I wouldn’t have to
 • My father did all the right things, did all the right things, so that I couldn’t be him • 

I was stuck somewhere in the middle, always taking notes when they would fight 
• I was stubborn to learn from their fuckups, I painted in the caves in the night
 • I painted in the caves in the night

 • The path was already paved for me, I was told what to believe
 • There was really no hope for me, brainwashed with prophecy • 
I was never serious, but I knew one day I would be
 • With no life experience, I didn’t know how to handle it































 • My brother did all the bad things, did all the bad things, so that I wouldn’t have to
 • My sister watched us from afar, watched us from afar, we pretended to hate her
 • My mother moderated for me, moderated for me, so that I wouldn’t have to
 • My father did all the right things, did all the right things, so that I couldn’t be him 

• I was stuck somewhere in the middle, always taking notes when they would fight 
• I was stubborn to learn from their fuckups, I painted in the caves in the night
 • I painted in the caves in the night

 4. MY HEART IS IN PENSACOLA 

How could I forget, those winters with the wood furnace 
• I was ungrateful to carry wood, ungrateful to carry firewood

 • Now I’ve forgotten all the songs that we used to sing
 • When we’d fill up on junk in the cab of your truck • 
I was just happy to be out with you • 
Even though fishing is painfully dull • He won’t come, he said that he would but he won’t 
• My heart is in Pensacola • There’s nothing for me here, the church has already fooled me once
 • My heart is in Pensacola, my heart is in Pensacola



 • How come mom resented you so much 
• And why did you act out and incite blood 
• How is love corrupted into apathy
 • And how can such great forgivers ever hold a grudge • 

It didn’t bother me that you two broke your vows 
• What really fucked me up was that you hid it while I lived in our house
 • And I left my little sister in that mess
 • While dad hugged the commode and mom got dressed and she left and suppressed 

 • He won’t come, he said that he would but he won’t 
• My heart is in Pensacola • There’s nothing for me here, the church has already fooled me twice
 • My heart is in Pensacola, my heart is in Pensacola

 5. PRAYER AND SOURDOUGH BREAD She came in naked just like me
 • But where blankets, soft for snuggling—loving words of affirmation
 laid the groundwork for another record-breaking self-esteem 

• She had amnesia just like me
 • Creepy uncles full of demons paved the way for feeling worthless
 • Broken people breaking others, broken never breaking free • 

I would know, because we sat out on the porch swing, we sat out on the porch swing 
and talked 
• I would know, because we sat out on the porch swing 
and talked

 • About all the things that she had ever feared • and parts of them were super weird • and all of the things that she typically hid 
• like a stupid Lifetime movie • 

I would know, because we chased away the demons, we chases away the demons and walked
 • I would know, because we wrote each other letters, we wrote each other letters 
a lot

 • We sang together during those formative years • And parts of it were paid for with prayer and sourdough bread

 • Most of her life, she got by on grace, she snuck by on grace 
(which is sometimes shame in disguise)
 • During those years, she cracked skulls for me, and sat in principals’ offices 
(and she defended me)
 • Most of my life, I’ve said may family is crazy, but you know I would never trade them 
(the best ones are kind of mad)
 • Most of her life, she kept all of her promises, but then she got hooked on pills 
(and then she ended her life)


 • She ended her life